bookofsam

After what-seems-forever, the break away from home to Phuket, was nothing short of amazing.

I'm sitting here in my recently furnished, whiteish (almost too bright), clinical space of a room, where planned words sometimes escape my fingers in front of the glaring "personal" computer. I need to close my eyes and rewalk the sand-covered paths I've walked on that little sunny island of Thailand. I remember the heat, sparkling hot stars of the sun dancing off my skin, I remember traipsing down the street in my tattered singlet and a pair of oversized slippers, with nothing to care and worry about, except for what to have for the next lunch.

And then, there was the beach with sand like icing sugar and giant waves that froth like salty cream. I rushed against them at times, rode with them in the other. I can hear the waves, just roaring behind me and my head spins into a dizz as I surrender to the great nature's digestion, with nothing to care and think about. Just be-ing, still and time hits and heals you in the form of waves.

I remember what I used to want to be.

Free.

“我不明白　也不需要明白
就让我这样就很好
做一个傻子多么好。”

It's probably like the chart of the economy, a line graph.

One moment, the line charges on like a crazy horse, wild with energy and enthusiasm, set to take over the world, zigzagging up against the faint-grey squares we conveniently call the grid.

The next second, just like any beast, always subject to the law of uncertainty and chaos, plunges straight down, as much as it is unwilling, dives through the valley to the plateau of disappointment and death.

But we all forget the grid's background yet pivotal role in all these, that no matter how faint and grey it is as a background, squares are still just squares and all they do is just being frames, binding you within corners.

So then, it's back to melancholia, such a beautiful, flowery-looking word.
At least I know some of you here agree with me.

"These things can be scary, not always what you want." - Stars

It's such a shame, I always thought I'm bigger than this. But to keep on second-guessing you and myself is making me feel like a complete bastard.

Because on one hand, you are this wonderful, almost-out-of-this-world person that I cannot imagine that I have the luck to be around with, and on the other, there are these little things that you do, that just eat my heart and brains out.

I haven't been in a relationship for the longest time and to deal with this time and again, I don't know. I certainly hope there's nothing I should be worried about, and I'm just imagining everything else.

Otherwise, for now, just let me mope for a bit.

:(

不是醒不来， 因为醒来我还是发呆。

its time to be resolute,
time to remember our principles
and time to stay firm.

lord, help me.

hey any nice, toned boys out there?

i've got a commercial shoot, to feature the above!

paid job, lemme know if you are interested!
email me at samuel@wooooo.sg with your pictures

Thanks!

He is the alarm clock that I always look forward to hearing every morning and never bear to press the 'snooze' on.
If not, I'll be late for work as usual.

He is the most tidy and meticulous man I've ever known, always washing up the pots and pans first before we actually start the meal.
"So that, later don't have to wash so much what."

He is this huge load of mushy romance, everything is sugar and goosebumps with him.
That I never thought I would come to appreciate.

And I love that he is different everyday because I give him little nicknames (I refuse to stick to one endearing name only)
but I'm always "Baby" to him.

I guess we are so different that we are like a pair of shoes.
Completely opposite but belong together.