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(no subject)

Feb. 28th, 2015 | 06:44 pm

"明明你也很爱我 没理由爱不到结果
只要你敢不懦弱 凭什么我们要错过."

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(no subject)

Mar. 11th, 2014 | 12:52 pm

Screen Shot 2014-03-11 at 12.48.13 PM

And so this is the third time I've "broken up" with you. Which I suppose gives me some kind of authority on significant breakups, that I should now know the drill like the back of my hand. Except that this time, I feel a gutburning sensation that it's the worst (or the best) one. But because I know this has happened before, I hope I will be able to lessen the effects.

I know for the next few weeks I will wake up, wanting to cry but i will stop myself because I can't be seen with a teary face in the morning when I go to work. Surprisingly, I will feel like dying when I've explicitly told myself not to die young, but trust me I will have that awful want to die just so it will not hurt so much inside. It will be easier when I start my journey to work but not without walking slowly, not without a kind of rhythm I used to have.

And on the train when I listen to my iPod, when the sad songs come up, I will tear up like I am now, and I will wipe them away from my eyes and nose embarassingly and just try to keep my head downward like a selfish person hogging the trainseat.

I will spend the rest of the day, faking to be okay if not happy (fake it til you make it, thats what they say) because it's rude to talk about work while crying.

I will go home after work, or go swim so that it wets my eyes in a gentler way and I get tireder when I get home and I will just crash on the bed without thinking too much.

I hope for some reason, you will be able to read this and slowly understand why I have to make such a severe break between us, so that we will all lose memory of each other.

That one day I hope we'll end up like Joel and Clementine in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", reformatted their whole system and restart again.

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(no subject)

Feb. 9th, 2013 | 04:28 pm




沉沒前清醒的愛人 在擁有愛的世紀裡,悲傷
親吻後沉睡的愛人 享受的孤單,夢一樣落下


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雨天/張懸

Feb. 9th, 2013 | 04:13 pm

"千萬花的一生,走出千萬人,獨行/"

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"瘋狂的陽光"

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擺脫相士撒的謊 _ 對自己說另外一個謊

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"或許在夢的出口,平安擁抱了感動"

*
"熱烈又慚愧、分不清左右"

-

如何取捨?

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(no subject)

Feb. 8th, 2013 | 01:23 am

新年又要到了。

可是也就是这个时候,时间好像还是停留在2000年,当她走的时候。
就这样,那年我失去了新年的感觉,完全失去在他们之间的斗争。

所以每当新年,我都会想起她,想起以前每个人都开心,健康。
我不是忧郁的人,只是容易把自己困在回忆里的人。



这几天的安静,蛮舒服的。
虽然睡不着,头脑却放空了,有一种安静,很威武,笼罩着。我,不要也不需要想什么,完全投降于宁静中。

反正身体累了,自然就会休息了。



今天,在公司,上司给了我们appraisal. 我也给了他们appraisal。
我记得我在说我心里的话的时候,我心里同时也在想,‘哇,我真的好坦白,好诚实,不怕被fired吗?’
我不知道,我就这样豁出去了。

我喜欢诚实的人。 我不是圣人,我承认我也会说谎,有些谎是帮人,有些可能害了人。 所以,当有人对我诚实的时候,我特别欣赏。因为诚实是需要勇气的。



"我曾经眼里只有你。”
张悬

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(no subject)

Feb. 4th, 2013 | 10:51 am
location: Singapore, Sengkang

精神鴉片還是世紀末的無聊消遣?

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On lost phones, loves and children.

Feb. 2nd, 2013 | 03:37 am

It's becoming quite a habit now, this insomnia. So busy up in here in this head with the amount of information being processed. (or not, some of you mock me so)

Thought about how the week has passed and the running thread seems to be about 'loss'.

Just almost 12 hours ago, Yuna, a good friend since university days, who moved to the States to get married with the 'love of her life', had just received a death sentence on the relationship. Yes, they are getting divorced, after 5 years. She said, "It just isn't a sustainable relationship, we don't bring out the best in each other. Doomed from the start, but still surprising."

She had dropped everything here in Singapore and moved all the way to Baltimore to be with him, knowing that it was 'doomed from the start' but yet, she went all the way in and decided that it's now or never.

Quite honestly, I'm not the best consoler around. I literally had nothing else to say but to tell her, how we (the gang of us good friends) will be here for her, even if it's just on Whatsapp and I sent encouraging pictures - all these, as an afterthought, it feels like an escapist's attempt to face the 'truth' himself. Perhaps I was really afraid of thinking of what I'll do if it was me.

Is love, really that interchangeable? Is there nothing we can guarantee?

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And about 12 hours ago from the 12 hours ago of the heartbreaking news of my friend's divorce, lies the loss of my phone that was about only 1 month old.

It was a present from Anders, so that definitely did't make it any easier.

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About a week ago, two children lost their lives to a reckless driver. And here I am by myself with thoughts that were just, thoughts.

.


"Life can be a bad dream sometimes. We all want comfort. A little love to get us through the long nights. Nobody wants to sleep alone. Everyone's afraid of the dark.

But I will not be afraid. The light is always there.
It is all around me. Nothing is missing.

I am not waiting for the sun."

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(no subject)

Dec. 13th, 2012 | 12:54 am

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

_____________________________________

.....

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(no subject)

Dec. 11th, 2012 | 01:27 pm

Haven't written here in a while, like everyone else says, it's the days of the Facebook (or Googles, Glozeil will say).

Don't really know why and what brought me back into this space again, maybe it was the cold, late hours of a Monday night that refused to give in to the bed, maybe it was another sad song with very, very beautiful lyrics that I get addicted to at times or maybe it was just me, trapped within my own dreams.

It must have been 10 years since I started blogging, writing down what I feel and it was definitely strange to revisit those words last night. Cos while I seem to recognise the writing, perhaps the person behind the writing and even recall the mise-en-scene in which the person wrote in, I could'nt remember him that clearly. In this hated phenomenon of retrospection, I find myself a different person..... Thing is, is that a good thing?

I don't like to be so self-aware either, it's just so.... draining; to have to watch one's actions and what I talk about, to be so adult.


"Will we burn in heaven, like we do down here?"
sarah mclachlan

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(no subject)

May. 6th, 2012 | 01:21 am

After what-seems-forever, the break away from home to Phuket, was nothing short of amazing.

I'm sitting here in my recently furnished, whiteish (almost too bright), clinical space of a room, where planned words sometimes escape my fingers in front of the glaring "personal" computer. I need to close my eyes and rewalk the sand-covered paths I've walked on that little sunny island of Thailand. I remember the heat, sparkling hot stars of the sun dancing off my skin, I remember traipsing down the street in my tattered singlet and a pair of oversized slippers, with nothing to care and worry about, except for what to have for the next lunch.

And then, there was the beach with sand like icing sugar and giant waves that froth like salty cream. I rushed against them at times, rode with them in the other. I can hear the waves, just roaring behind me and my head spins into a dizz as I surrender to the great nature's digestion, with nothing to care and think about. Just be-ing, still and time hits and heals you in the form of waves.

I remember what I used to want to be.

Free.

“我不明白 也不需要明白
就让我这样就很好
做一个傻子多么好。”

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